He has blessed me in more ways than I could've ever imagined. Although it was one of the hardest things I have ever done, the Lord has shown me that if I leave the things of this world to Him, then He will use me in big ways.
"Patient endurance is what you need now, so that you will continue to do God's will. Then you will receive all that He has promised." -Hebrews 10:36
I have leaned heavily on that verse so many days. Patiently enduring the thing that faces me each day (the fear of being single or not being good enough), so that I can do God's will and use the gift of life each day to honor Him. THEN I will receive ALL that He has promised.
Anyone who is close to me knows the struggle this year has been for me. I have been SO extremely blessed with loved ones who have prayed for me and reminded me that the Lord's plan is bigger and that He wants nothing more than for me to be happy. I could take up pages thanking each of you, but just know that the love you showed me in my tough time was showing me Christ's love and I couldn't have made it through this year without each one of you.
Some of my encouragers this past year told me that it's through the hardest times that you learn the most about yourself and grow closest to God. I listened but didn't always understand. I questioned why God allowed me to continue struggling with so many emotions instead of just taking them away, but I see now that through all of the tears and restless nights are when I was pushed closer to God. I had never needed the Lord more than before now, and even though I haven't been the most faithful to Him, He met me when I needed His peace and comfort most. How is it that I can be pursuing things of this world instead of the Lord, and yet when I'm broken and absent of my usual comforts that He meets me with grace and love? Because He IS grace and He IS love. I am His beloved who He cares deeply for even when I'm too ignorant to see that. When God sees His child hurting, He will do everything to show me how much He loves me.
"Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. I say to myself, 'The Lord is my portion; therefore I will wait for him.' The Lord is good to those whose hope is in him, to the one who seeks him; it is good to wait quietly for the salvation of the Lord." -Lamentations 3:22-26
The struggles of this past year have been more than difficult, but I wouldn't trade them for a year of complacency and mediocrity. I am a stronger person and have grown spiritually more in this past than I have in my whole life. Not to say I haven't messed up and stumbled along the way, but I get it now. I get that the Lord is the only thing that will ever keep me satisfied and I get that He is the answer to all of my doubts and worry.
"For God is working in you, giving you the desire and the power to do what pleases him. Do everything without complaining and arguing, so that no one can criticize you. Live clean, innocent lives as children of God, shining like bright lights in a world full of crooked and perverse people. Hold firmly to the word of life; then, on the day of Christ’s return, I will be proud that I did not run the race in vain and that my work was not useless. But I will rejoice even if I lose my life, pouring it out like a liquid offering to God, just like your faithful service is an offering to God. And I want all of you to share that joy. Yes, you should rejoice, and I will share your joy." -Philippians 2:13-18
It's amazing to look back at the past year and see where I was and where I am today. I want to spend my next year towards falling more in love with Christ and trusting in His plan for my life, especially with graduation fast approaching and no clue as to exactly what I'm going to do as far as a career.
I feel like these lyrics are extremely fitting for my past year. It's by United Pursuit called "Story of Grace"
One way ticket to the lion’s den
Got to go through the fire so I can come out again
Fight for my faith, live what I believe
Stand on my feet and sing, Oh I will sing
Jesus You’ve called me friend
Jesus You’ve made me what I am
Jesus You are my life within
Yet in my weak frame
I’m calling on Your Name
Broke my heart with Your love
God I will love You the same
Forgiven oceans I am
Brought to my knees
The story of Your grace
It fills me with the theme
Jesus You’ve called me friend
Jesus You’ve made me what I am
Jesus You are my life within
I will live by the light of the glory you shine on me
I will live by the grace that you offer so freely
-"Story of Grace" by United Pursuit
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